=> so since my shrink still isn't back from ny... *glares*
argh why are you always out of town when i'm in near breakdown? anyways instead of my explaining it later and trying to remember deets, i'm just gonna get you to read this ;)
=> well it started off with sunday school and brought up the topic of forgiveness or something (it's one of the ones of the beatitudes). then sharon gives me "the glare" hinting of the questions again "hem hem, shouldn't you be forgiving (she who must not be named) and let it be water under te bridge like the good little christian girls we are already?" yea i just went "shhhhh *hmph* we're not going there right now..."
flash forward and we're on msn. so i see that her pm's quote (sharon i really hope you don't mind me quoting you since pm's are seen to the public anyways), "hate you? well i wouldnt say hate.forgive you? thats a hard one.care bout you? yea thats hard too". so i tell her that even though we're talking about 2 diff situations, her pm was exactly my point.
and then this convos goes on again like every other time. her JJWD vs my, "you have no clue".
cept we actually made more progress i guess today... at least we laid down more of what happened and that i'd EVENTUALLY talk to she who must not be named and smooth things over, but that's after i can actually look at her without wanting to stab her.
but it was still really really horrible having to go back and open up healing stitches again (i even had to start dinner a few minutes late cause i couldn't take it downstairs and had to hide out in my room for a while) especially since it was only friday that she who must not be named was standing there in the hall in my way.
and then you just HAD to be in ny -_-
=> on a happier note and something that my shrink doesn't have to read if he doesn't want to.
i stayed up till 3:45am last night reading forever princess (which would explain why i wasn't too sharp during sunday school). the conclusion of the princess diaries series. 8/8 (or at least i think there were 8). the book was soooo cute! i read it all in 2 days. like over 3/4 of it during the day yesterday and over 1/2 of it at night.
if you havn't read any of the princess diaries yet, i advise you to go out and start reading them! omg as if the first few books wern't cute enough, the last one is OMG REALLY REALLY CUTE!!! there's the begininng story line with mia as a 9er. then throughout the years she's still writing in her journals, well even though technically she writes in gr9 and 10. then in the last book it jumps to her in gr12 and explaining that she pretty much spent gr11 writing a novel. i don't want to give any of it away but it is such a girly romantic ending that's sooooo very cute.
Just Because It’s Weird In It’s Own Way Doesn’t Make It Wrong…Or Does It?
=> well it’s not like there’s anything going on. In fact, I havn’t seen him since summer. But all the same I can’t rid that thing at the back of my mind that’s going, “omg our hugs are amazing!! It’s like everything just fades away and its just us, making seconds seem like minutes in my memory.” “ugh this is wrong in so many ways, the no mac(and cheese) rule was there for a reason kiddo; he’s taken now too anyways.” “But but but… the hugs!!! =(” and yes, I have convos with my brain. Well I guess in the meantime I’ll just have to hug other people haha, “bring in the subs!”
=> yea so um, since I’m typing these posts via my mini laptop aka lapbook (but I rather call it a mini laptop), I’m not going to be able to sign off these posts properly since the coding for it is in a “sticky note” on the desktop.
=> there is a vid a found on some site (via my friend’s msn pm) which I then youtubed. In summary, it’s a spoof of the dove commercial back a few yrs ago about the evolution of beauty. I now bring to you *insert drum roll* the evolution of facebook pics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6aBp4vJnj8
=> and um since my "shrink" is in NY with his school (yes arjun, you‘re my shrink now, which only means you’ll have me badgering you more about my many issues)…I have no one to whine to about stuff I can’t whine to sharon about, aka having she who must not be named standing in my way after school today. Yes I still wanna punch the living daylights out of her, the only reason why I rather not? Don’t really want that much crap on my school transcript after getting dragged into a cat fight last year (which’s another story for another day) nor do I wanna spend my school years in jail for homicide (or maybe it’ll be 2nd degree murder if I get too carried away with actually “punching the living” part). Ugh it’s not like I don’t want to put this all behind me. But when you wasted two yrs on a friendship that you later find out was filled and based on lies and other junk, it’s just kinda hard. Oh and not to mention’s it’s made me paranoid that she might be ripping my friends away from me slowly one by one. WHICH I’m happy that she has yet done so, or at least successfully done so.
=> yea so um, since I’m typing these posts via my mini laptop aka lapbook (but I rather call it a mini laptop), I’m not going to be able to sign off these posts properly since the coding for it is in a “sticky note” on the desktop.
=> there is a vid a found on some site (via my friend’s msn pm) which I then youtubed. In summary, it’s a spoof of the dove commercial back a few yrs ago about the evolution of beauty. I now bring to you *insert drum roll* the evolution of facebook pics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6aBp4vJnj8
=> and um since my "shrink" is in NY with his school (yes arjun, you‘re my shrink now, which only means you’ll have me badgering you more about my many issues)…I have no one to whine to about stuff I can’t whine to sharon about, aka having she who must not be named standing in my way after school today. Yes I still wanna punch the living daylights out of her, the only reason why I rather not? Don’t really want that much crap on my school transcript after getting dragged into a cat fight last year (which’s another story for another day) nor do I wanna spend my school years in jail for homicide (or maybe it’ll be 2nd degree murder if I get too carried away with actually “punching the living” part). Ugh it’s not like I don’t want to put this all behind me. But when you wasted two yrs on a friendship that you later find out was filled and based on lies and other junk, it’s just kinda hard. Oh and not to mention’s it’s made me paranoid that she might be ripping my friends away from me slowly one by one. WHICH I’m happy that she has yet done so, or at least successfully done so.
Chastity Workshop via Rev. (some last name i can't remember right now...)
=> these are the notes i took from a workshop at my church about chastity.
=> love processing. (could have been 'love possessing' but this is what happens when you're taking notes on your phone)
1) having favourable impression
2) missing
3) confessing
4) accepting
5) dating
6) changing
=> high school friends last a lifetime. (hey, isn't that what i said in my letter to j?)
therefore, hold stronger relationships with friends. develop more peer relationships than romantic ones.
=> to date does not mean you have to have pyhsical intimacy. you won't die if you don't have intimate lust. it's like drugs, where you'll never be satisfied.
=> lust possessing (ok this one i'm sure its 'possessing') [to be thought of as 'levels']
1) get close to
2) hold hands
3) embrace
4) kiss
5) fondle
6) sexual contact
7) sexual intercourse
possible 8) stds & pregnancy (to be lead to the question of abortion)
the attraction to advance to then next 'level' will grow as you reach the previous 'level'
=> intimacy boundary.
where should we place it? or not have a boundary at all?
since it's very difficult to have self control and stop at lvl 7) so stop at 6). because of the attraction and temptation to proceed at 6), stop at 5). so stop at 4), 3), 2), 1)?
so accordingly, stop at 2) and be looking deeply into the person's personality and inner being. stay away from the physical stuff.
=> there are more temptations nowadays than back in the bibical times. God has a greater expectation from us. we have been specially selected to show the strength of chastity.
=> 2 corinthians 11:2
maintaining pure for christ and for your future spouse
psalms 139:13-16
He saw our unformed body, written our life plan already. know from the beginning of the beginning.
1 corinthians 6:18-20
2 timothy 2:21-22
1 thessaloians 4:3-5
we will never be asked to face sexual immorality. we are simply told to flee from it. (note: joseph feeing from madien)
=> 80% lose virginity at home. fleeeeeeeeeee
abortions can haunt you even as an elderly having had an abortion in teenage years. abortion and pregnancy at a young age can up risk of ovarian cancer.
it is equal to ripping out baby's page in the book of life. we have no right to do so
=> no one likes their spouse to be experts at sex. they hope that they too are virgins.
many pre-marital sexual partners will result in “boredom” once married and turn to the likes of affairs.
think of the story of rebekah and issac, destined by God for each other. Can you guarentee that your bf/gf is your rebekah / issac? If not, think twice cause like wise, you wouldn’t want your rebekah / issac to have previously fooled around with by someone else.
=> pick a spouse that loves God with all their heart. Learn to pray for your future, for your rebekah / issac.
=> love processing. (could have been 'love possessing' but this is what happens when you're taking notes on your phone)
1) having favourable impression
2) missing
3) confessing
4) accepting
5) dating
6) changing
=> high school friends last a lifetime. (hey, isn't that what i said in my letter to j?)
therefore, hold stronger relationships with friends. develop more peer relationships than romantic ones.
=> to date does not mean you have to have pyhsical intimacy. you won't die if you don't have intimate lust. it's like drugs, where you'll never be satisfied.
=> lust possessing (ok this one i'm sure its 'possessing') [to be thought of as 'levels']
1) get close to
2) hold hands
3) embrace
4) kiss
5) fondle
6) sexual contact
7) sexual intercourse
possible 8) stds & pregnancy (to be lead to the question of abortion)
the attraction to advance to then next 'level' will grow as you reach the previous 'level'
=> intimacy boundary.
where should we place it? or not have a boundary at all?
since it's very difficult to have self control and stop at lvl 7) so stop at 6). because of the attraction and temptation to proceed at 6), stop at 5). so stop at 4), 3), 2), 1)?
so accordingly, stop at 2) and be looking deeply into the person's personality and inner being. stay away from the physical stuff.
=> there are more temptations nowadays than back in the bibical times. God has a greater expectation from us. we have been specially selected to show the strength of chastity.
=> 2 corinthians 11:2
maintaining pure for christ and for your future spouse
psalms 139:13-16
He saw our unformed body, written our life plan already. know from the beginning of the beginning.
1 corinthians 6:18-20
2 timothy 2:21-22
1 thessaloians 4:3-5
we will never be asked to face sexual immorality. we are simply told to flee from it. (note: joseph feeing from madien)
=> 80% lose virginity at home. fleeeeeeeeeee
abortions can haunt you even as an elderly having had an abortion in teenage years. abortion and pregnancy at a young age can up risk of ovarian cancer.
it is equal to ripping out baby's page in the book of life. we have no right to do so
=> no one likes their spouse to be experts at sex. they hope that they too are virgins.
many pre-marital sexual partners will result in “boredom” once married and turn to the likes of affairs.
think of the story of rebekah and issac, destined by God for each other. Can you guarentee that your bf/gf is your rebekah / issac? If not, think twice cause like wise, you wouldn’t want your rebekah / issac to have previously fooled around with by someone else.
=> pick a spouse that loves God with all their heart. Learn to pray for your future, for your rebekah / issac.
Oblivious To What You Know.
=> as much as i want you to be un-oblivious to what you know...
it's only fact that i know if anything was to really happen between us, there's only 1 of the 3 possible outcomes that will end in happily ever after.
other than that 1, the other 2 will equivilate (equivalate?) in it blowing up in our faces and destroying everything that we've ever known.
it's a chance that i don't know if i'll ever be ready to take.
it's only fact that i know if anything was to really happen between us, there's only 1 of the 3 possible outcomes that will end in happily ever after.
other than that 1, the other 2 will equivilate (equivalate?) in it blowing up in our faces and destroying everything that we've ever known.
it's a chance that i don't know if i'll ever be ready to take.
Seed. Flower. Seeds.
=> From a Seed to a Flower which in return produces more Seeds. Hallelujah.
April 17th, 2009. the day that mrs. (insert her last name that i can't remember at the moment but i'm pretty sure it starts with a S) accepted christ and obtained her all access pass to being saved my Jesus Christ. age makes no difference; we are all children of christ whether we're 5, 16, or 70 something like mrs.S.
our church had a chinese outreach program thing that night. i was just helping out to watch the kids (relive my younger yrs, regress a it ;) ). so as we were leaving my dad went into the santuary to just say bye. next thing we know mrs.W tells us that mrs.S accpeted christ. so naturally we sit with them (along with a few others) just to see that she truely understands what it means to accept christ and to answer any questions that she may have for us.
one of the things she was worried about was because her whole family was worshipers of false idols, that they would be upset that she suddenly accpeted christ without discussing it with them first. and because of it she might get pressured to in a way "turn her back away" from God. being that she was chinese and didn't understand english, i wasn't able to say much. what i did tell her though in my broken and accented chinese was, "you're like a seed that will bloom into a flower. from you as a flower, will then produce so many more seeds. these seeds would be you're whole family."
as on the spot as this analogy came to me (well maybe not the analogy of it, pretty sure it came of a sermon), but as on the spot as the wording came to me, i can truely feel that it's words that God's given to me. that the words could really have an impact on mrs.S that i'll never know of, especially given the fact that theres an age and language barrier. i had the first line of this post as part of my sn on msn; like sharon puts it, it really is cuteness. Hallelujah.
April 17th, 2009. the day that mrs. (insert her last name that i can't remember at the moment but i'm pretty sure it starts with a S) accepted christ and obtained her all access pass to being saved my Jesus Christ. age makes no difference; we are all children of christ whether we're 5, 16, or 70 something like mrs.S.
our church had a chinese outreach program thing that night. i was just helping out to watch the kids (relive my younger yrs, regress a it ;) ). so as we were leaving my dad went into the santuary to just say bye. next thing we know mrs.W tells us that mrs.S accpeted christ. so naturally we sit with them (along with a few others) just to see that she truely understands what it means to accept christ and to answer any questions that she may have for us.
one of the things she was worried about was because her whole family was worshipers of false idols, that they would be upset that she suddenly accpeted christ without discussing it with them first. and because of it she might get pressured to in a way "turn her back away" from God. being that she was chinese and didn't understand english, i wasn't able to say much. what i did tell her though in my broken and accented chinese was, "you're like a seed that will bloom into a flower. from you as a flower, will then produce so many more seeds. these seeds would be you're whole family."
as on the spot as this analogy came to me (well maybe not the analogy of it, pretty sure it came of a sermon), but as on the spot as the wording came to me, i can truely feel that it's words that God's given to me. that the words could really have an impact on mrs.S that i'll never know of, especially given the fact that theres an age and language barrier. i had the first line of this post as part of my sn on msn; like sharon puts it, it really is cuteness. Hallelujah.
Late Much?
=> well having you talked to me while i was in the library looking at funny lights, this post is sorta almost a week overdue haha. ANYWAYS i shall now proceed to copy this from my phone.
=> j,
first off, sry for typng this up so late. {stupid phone's backlight doesn't stay on long enough} school's always a factor and gets in te way. which btw IS important. note how i'm not telling you to put school first. becausse well face is, as important as it is, you always have to schedule in fun (sad now my idea of fun this week was helping look after some kids at church). but when you really really think about it, marks don't matter till a few yrs down the road. as long as you scrape by with a 75, you can still take full academic courses (not saying that you shouldn't try your best of course).
now that school's discussed, onwards to the next item on the list; friends. no matter what happens in hs, just remember that it's just hs. everyone acts like a bumbum. my goal for you is to find yourself a moose. find friends that have their morals set right and will stick by you though whatever bs you get yourself into. these are the ones that you pray will stay friends with even after hs when you're off to uni in lala land and for the rest of your life.
now about the boys. one thing that no one will ever understand. since i don't know exactly how your situation initially played out, but i have a feeling i can probs guess the gist of it. to try to get to te point and not make this drag on (like what it seems like i'm doing); Let the slut have the guy. i know this is going to sound cliche but i'm going to say it anyways. you deserve better than him. no guy who trash talks their ex deserves being taken back. now i know you were contemplating bout being friends and not bout getting back together but hear my point out. be careful about letting him back into your life because before you know it, one thing might lead to the next no matter what promise you've made to yourself or anyone else.
just remember kiddo, there's like less than 1/10000 chance of hs relationships ending with a fairytale happily ever after.
well i hope this helped! (no clue how much this will though since i'm drafting this out on my phone at 4:30 in the morning..anyways. Have FUN debating within youself ;)
=> wow...that was actually pretty long...and to think that was only 7 notes on my phone notepad. (thank God for qwerty)
forever xoxo,
- mag. (dangit, this sign off would've looked so much better if it was in my own handwriting)
=> j,
first off, sry for typng this up so late. {stupid phone's backlight doesn't stay on long enough} school's always a factor and gets in te way. which btw IS important. note how i'm not telling you to put school first. becausse well face is, as important as it is, you always have to schedule in fun (sad now my idea of fun this week was helping look after some kids at church). but when you really really think about it, marks don't matter till a few yrs down the road. as long as you scrape by with a 75, you can still take full academic courses (not saying that you shouldn't try your best of course).
now that school's discussed, onwards to the next item on the list; friends. no matter what happens in hs, just remember that it's just hs. everyone acts like a bumbum. my goal for you is to find yourself a moose. find friends that have their morals set right and will stick by you though whatever bs you get yourself into. these are the ones that you pray will stay friends with even after hs when you're off to uni in lala land and for the rest of your life.
now about the boys. one thing that no one will ever understand. since i don't know exactly how your situation initially played out, but i have a feeling i can probs guess the gist of it. to try to get to te point and not make this drag on (like what it seems like i'm doing); Let the slut have the guy. i know this is going to sound cliche but i'm going to say it anyways. you deserve better than him. no guy who trash talks their ex deserves being taken back. now i know you were contemplating bout being friends and not bout getting back together but hear my point out. be careful about letting him back into your life because before you know it, one thing might lead to the next no matter what promise you've made to yourself or anyone else.
just remember kiddo, there's like less than 1/10000 chance of hs relationships ending with a fairytale happily ever after.
well i hope this helped! (no clue how much this will though since i'm drafting this out on my phone at 4:30 in the morning..anyways. Have FUN debating within youself ;)
=> wow...that was actually pretty long...and to think that was only 7 notes on my phone notepad. (thank God for qwerty)
forever xoxo,
- mag. (dangit, this sign off would've looked so much better if it was in my own handwriting)
Not Exactly Phobic.
=> trembling with fear, pulse is at 100km/h, need air.
there's a spider right there.
=> yea so there was a spider in my washroom...couldn't get my daddy to kill it since he was downstairs and if i yelled for him my mom, being asleep would have woken up and told me to shush. SO i had to kill it myself... =s which didn't quite work out the way i wanted it to. i got the tissue paper, wet it and smacked the spidy. now i thought it was dead, so i was =O when it fell off the tissues and onto the rim of my toilet and started to walk again (tmi? sorry!). well i had to get rid of it, so what do i do? i blow it into the bowl. and then it started "swimming" and then went into a little ball as i flushed it. then i stepped back and hyperventilated shaking like crazy with the room spinning.
not that i'm arachnophobic...maybe in a weird strange way i am tough. see i'm perfectly fine with larger spiders like taranulas (other than their many many eyes, they're pretty cute ><). i can't stand the smaller ones though. there's just something about them and being able to pop up anywhere that freaks me out. the ones that are small AND fast and/or can jump, SUPER SCARY!
there's a spider right there.
=> yea so there was a spider in my washroom...couldn't get my daddy to kill it since he was downstairs and if i yelled for him my mom, being asleep would have woken up and told me to shush. SO i had to kill it myself... =s which didn't quite work out the way i wanted it to. i got the tissue paper, wet it and smacked the spidy. now i thought it was dead, so i was =O when it fell off the tissues and onto the rim of my toilet and started to walk again (tmi? sorry!). well i had to get rid of it, so what do i do? i blow it into the bowl. and then it started "swimming" and then went into a little ball as i flushed it. then i stepped back and hyperventilated shaking like crazy with the room spinning.
not that i'm arachnophobic...maybe in a weird strange way i am tough. see i'm perfectly fine with larger spiders like taranulas (other than their many many eyes, they're pretty cute ><). i can't stand the smaller ones though. there's just something about them and being able to pop up anywhere that freaks me out. the ones that are small AND fast and/or can jump, SUPER SCARY!
For Us He Died.
=> easter is a time to reflect upon everything that God's done for us. reflect upon how much he loves us. about how he sacrificed his sinless son for us.
wait no... EVERYDAY should be that time to reflect upon how great is our God.
=> in comparison, having good friday and easter monday off is fairly miniscule. but its great to have a 4 day weekend all the same.
and smack in the middle of that weekend (or well sunday) is me getting baptized!!!
super excited but yet super nervous; theres going to be too many people looking at me while i share my testimony.
song diddily do!! - How Great Is Our God - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OsyiGgSlqY
if0nly Life Was Fantasy.,
- Mag.
wait no... EVERYDAY should be that time to reflect upon how great is our God.
=> in comparison, having good friday and easter monday off is fairly miniscule. but its great to have a 4 day weekend all the same.
and smack in the middle of that weekend (or well sunday) is me getting baptized!!!
super excited but yet super nervous; theres going to be too many people looking at me while i share my testimony.
song diddily do!! - How Great Is Our God - Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OsyiGgSlqY
if0nly Life Was Fantasy.,
- Mag.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)